My Story

This is my story. My story is about how Jesus rescued me and how my heart and later my mind came to really believe that.

In November 1998, I was 16 years old and I was spiraling toward ruin. I remember my time in middle school and high school vividly. I remember being lonely. I remember craving relationship and not knowing how to fill that vacuum. I remember the crushes. I remember nights lying in bed crying and not even knowing why I was alive.

I was a good student. I was a class clown. I had friends. I was successful on the outside, but there was darkness within.

But one night, a friend invited me to church and everything changed.

I saw people singing about Jesus and I felt something powerful happen. I heard that Jesus died for me. I experienced the presence of God, an awareness that something supernatural did exist and could be present in my life. And my friend's mom prayed with me right there to accept Jesus as my Savior.

I remember driving home just filled with energy! I had met God and I knew things were different now. I was not alone.

And life was different. I made Christian friends. The church's youth pastor stuck a bass guitar in my hand and gave me a stack of songs to learn. I learned through new friends and through new music and through hearing God's Word. I was starting to grow.

But then I went to college at Florida State. I started taking classes from professors who criticised Christian faith and treated it as a mere myth among other myths. I began to wonder how I could claim Jesus was the only way. I saw that other religions have community and compassion and music and mystical experiences. Why did I think my experience of God was more true than theirs? My heart had felt God, but my mind was not convinced.

One night, my dorm roommate, who was not a Christian, directly confronted me with these questions. And I didn't have answers. I went to bed not knowing if I'd wake up still believing.

By God's grace, I did not give up. I looked for answers in the Bible. I continued talking with my Christian friends and older members of my church. I read. I studied. I pressed on.

I came to Louisville to attend seminary, still hungry for answers. I learned about the historical validity of the New testament and the verifiable facts supporting Jesus' resurrection. I met several mentors who introduced me not just to apologetic arguments for God's existence, but to the full spectrum of the Christian worldview. I learned why the biblical view of the world is in fact the most intellectually consistent view on every major topic: on the nature of reality, on man's identity and purpose, on how we know what we know, what is the basis for good and evil, why do we perceive beauty and crave a sense of wonder, how can we thrive in our families, our work life, and our community. I started getting answers. My head was catching up to my heart.

Today, I am a product of my past, a finite person who is still hungry for answers and hungry for relationship. I am still a sinner and I still break promises and I still fight the darkness within. But I am also a redeemed sinner. I stand on the fact of Jesus' resurrection. I stand on the fact that my faith and my feelings are now rooted not in myself or anything I can do, but rooted in what He had done for me. These words are my hope and I know nothing can undo it or take it away:

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Hearing, Seeing, Believing

John 20:11, 25

But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb...

So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe."

...............

John 20 is about the resurrection of Jesus. But it's also about how we respond and arrive at our own belief in the resurrection. Two characters in particular are highlighted here: Mary Magdalene and Thomas.

Mary's reaction to recent events truly captures the emotional gravity of what has transpired. Facing the empty tomb and thinking that someone had stolen Jesus' body, Mary stood weeping, certainly holding her face with both hands, grieving deeply for this shocking loss.

We can imagine what Mary was feeling as she stood by the tomb. We forget that Jesus' death was such a shock. Just days before, he was welcomed to Jerusalem with shouts of Hosanna. The King, the Messiah had arrived! He taught in the temple courts. He shared a meal with his dearest friends. Despite Jesus' own hints and predictions, the disciples had no idea what was coming.

Processing this shock and grief, Mary stood by the tomb, and the tears came fast and she let them escape freely. He's gone, she thought. He's really gone.

But she looked in the tomb one last time. What did she see? She was met by an unexpected sight indeed. First two angels addressed her. And then she was met by Jesus, though she doesn't recognize him, her grief and despair blinding her. And what do they each in turn say to her? They ask why she is weeping. They comfort her. And then Jesus opens her eyes by calling her by name. She hears this familiar voice she knows so well, calling her personally by name, and she believes.

In contrast to this intimate picture, John 20 next highlights the doubting response of Thomas. Following the encounter with Mary, Jesus appears miraculously in a locked room and presents himself to all the disciples - all except Thomas. Later, when told about this, Thomas is incredulous. He says he will only believe it if he can see and touch Jesus for himself.

Thomas's response is not unlike the objections we hear in our present day and age. When you share the good news of Christ's miraculous resurrection with 21st century Americans, you may find that our post-enlightenment culture refuses to accept any truth-claim that cannot be verified empirically.

There is actually some validity to this cultural intuition. While the Bible describes an open system where divine intervention is real and accepted, there is also an observable order to the natural world where rules of cause and effect are our default expectation. The scientific method was actually built on Christian assumptions, that natural laws implied the existence of a Law-Giver. Generally, we should base our beliefs on observable and verifiable fact, and various Scripture passages support this (cf. Deut. 18:20-22, 1 Cor 15:12-19, 1 Pet 3:15, 1 John 1:1).

But what do we make of John 20:29? Jesus presented his wounds to Thomas. We see the incredible humility of a holy God, who has already left heaven and suffered a criminal's death on our behalf, but is here condescending to the objections of a doubting friend. Jesus complies, proves his divine nature, and rightly receives worship from Thomas in response - he believes and proclaims that Jesus is in fact God the Creator in the flesh. And then, as he often does, Jesus concludes the episode with a word of explanation, and this one is especially pointed to all of us reading about it centuries later.

Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (20:29)

Have you believed? Though you cannot hear or see Jesus today, will you be blessed by believing the good news of the resurrection? There are facts and clues upon which to base your faith today. Have you searched the scriptures, passed down faithfully and accurately through the years? Have you trusted the testimonies of dear friends, or listened to the hymns and stories of old? Do you hear the ring of truth in a God who becomes man and suffers in your place? Will you receive this blessing and find life in his name? (20:31). He is calling - how will you respond?

According to Plan

John 19:30

When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, "It is finished," and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

...............

Jesus died according to plan.

We know this from the first chapter of John, where the writer alludes to his rejection and where John the Baptist calls Jesus the lamb of God. We know this death was planned from Jesus' description of himself as the Good Shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep. We saw in John 17 how Jesus prayed about this plan which was set in place from all eternity. And we know it was planned from how so many scripture passages were fulfilled in such detailed ways. John 19 gives four explicit fulfillments:

1. So they said to one another, "Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be." This was to fulfill the Scripture which says, "They divided my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots." So the soldiers did these things. (19:24)

2. After this, Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), "I thirst." (19:28)

3. For these things took place that the Scripture might be fulfilled: "Not one of his bones will be broken."  (19:36)

4. And again another Scripture says, "They will look on him whom they have pierced." (19:37)

Why does it matter that Jesus' death would fulfill these detailed predictions? For one, it is evidence that gives credibility to Jesus' claim to be the Son of God and long-expected Messiah. Jesus had claimed to be older than Abraham. He claimed to speak for God. He claimed to have shared glory with the Father from eternity past. In short, he claimed to be God, and these fulfillments of Scripture are mentioned by John to further prove who Jesus really was. He even says so in verse 35:

He who saw it has borne witness—his testimony is true, and he knows that he is telling the truth—that you also may believe.

John knew that many would find these claims outrageous and that many would accuse the early Christians of believing a lie. So, these Scripture fulfillments matter because they make it hard to claim a coincidence has occurred. The fulfilled prediction of events makes it appear that it was all planned -- and therefore it has real meaning for us.

I think that these fulfillments matter for another reason: they reinforce the feeling that something historic has just been accomplished. When a Scripture is fulfilled hundreds of years after it was written, you know something climactic has occured. This death was the culmination of a much longer story -- the story of man's broken relationship with their Creator. This sense of culmination is underscored by the phrase "it is finished."

What exactly did this death finish? It's honestly not clear from the context. Was Jesus just stating the obvious, that his life is now ended?

No, this means far more than that. The early believers would flesh out the atoning work of Christ in fascinating detail in the other books of the New Testament. In Romans 8, we learn how Christ's death fulfills the law for us. In 2 Corinthians 5, we learn how his death was an exchange that makes us righteous before a holy God. In Hebrews, we learn even more aspects of this finished work and how it atones for us in ways that the priests and sacrifices of old could never do.

In fact, we will spend an eternity pondering the riches of this finished work. There will always be more to understand and appreciate as this work is applied to us personally by faith. Consider the finality of this forgiveness and remember that nothing you do can undo it. It is final and it is complete and it is effective. Live in that freedom and rejoice!

And when before the throne
I stand in him complete
"Jesus died my soul to save"
my lips shall still repeat.

Jesus paid it all!
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
he washed it white as snow.