Forgiveness vs. Tolerance

Matthew 18:15

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

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This chapter is one of many in Matthew that is clearly based on a central theme. Whether Jesus taught these lessons together, or whether Matthew organized them in this way, there is clearly a theme of forgiveness in this chapter. When we realize that this is the theme, it forces us to reconsider our common conception of what forgiveness is all about and to come to terms with a more biblical definition.

Forgiveness is not really a feeling, and it is not merely a spoken word to another. Forgiveness appears to be more of a multi-step process as described in the entire chapter. First, there is recognition of sin. Second, there may be a confrontation over the sin. Third, there is a turning from sin. And fourth, there is a reconciliation between the parties involved. As we go through each of these, we will also see how the common practice of mere tolerance falls short of biblical forgiveness and is actually counterproductive to the end goal of reconciliation and peace.

(1) Recognition of Sin. For a sin to be forgiven, someone has to recognize it. The sinner involved may be that person, or it may have to come through the confrontation of another (#2 below). Matthew 18 begins this discussion of forgiveness where many of us forget to begin: with God. God is the one who first recognizes sin in His children and is the first to do something about it. Jesus warns the disciples that those who cause His "little ones" to stumble will have to answer to Him (18:6-9). But, He also reminds us that when a little sheep strays from the flock, it is truly God Himself, our Great Shepherd, who leaves the 99 in the field and goes after the wandering lamb (18:10-14). What a merciful God, who recognizes our sin before we do ourselves, yet pursues us with zeal to bring us back to Himself. God does not merely tolerate sin, which would be harmful to His children; He punishes the tempters, and rescues the tempted!

(2) Confrontation of Sin. A believer may be sensitive enough to confront himself or herself over a particular sin, or he/she may need the gentle rebuke of a trusted friend. Matt. 18:15-20 is a clear challenge to the church to take sin seriously, but with an eye toward reconciliation. Steps 1, 2, and 3 are clearly designed so that you may "gain your brother." But, step 4 is where God draws the line. If someone clings to their sinful desire more than they trust the gentle rebuke of the assembled church, than that person has chosen to be treated like an outsider. Just as God does not merely tolerate sin, likewise the church is called to model the balance of purity and pursuit, of justice and mercy.

(3) Turning from Sin. Forgiveness necessitates a turning from sin. We see this in the section on church discipline, but we also see it in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (18:21-35). Here, Jesus describes the story of a servant who appears repentant, but in the end, did not turn from his sin. While there is no one who is "unforgiveable" per se, there is criteria for true forgiveness to occur, and one of these is a genuine turning from sin. The unforgiving servant showed that he had not truly changed, and the way he fell short is telling: he would not forgive others of faults that were also his own. Our culture's tolerance does not demand the abandoning of sin. People think that we should forgive those who make no effort to change. But God does not tolerate hyporcrisy; He forgives the repentant.

(4) Reconciliation. The Parable ends with an ominous tone, of which we should take note and shudder. God takes sin seriously and he will not ultimately accept someone who clings to their idolatrous lusts in preference to Him. But, there is a positive implication here: if we do repent, He will welcome us back to himself, and we will find peace with those we sinned against as well.

We must forgive others, because God has forgiven us. This is fundamental to the Christian life. I pray that we continue to view personal sin and relational conflict in light of God's forgiveness - a forgiveness that is not mere tolerance, but demands the abandonment of sin for the sake of genuine reconcilation, without hypocrisy.